im so jealous of babies they have clear skin and their clothes cost like $2
Why Did I Do That?: A novel by me, with special guest appearances by several alcoholic beverages
Women’s Day has been extended until forever because Women are great and why aren’t we always celebrating them
pros to dating me:
- there is no limit to the amount of times I will watch The Hobbit or The Lord of the Rings extended editions
im alive but only ironically
when im dead sext me through a ouija board
They do this everyday
the annual scholastic book fair was the only reason i didn’t drop out of elementary school
damnnnnnnnnn john smith though!
i’m looking for a romantic way to say i hope you think about me when you masturbate sometimes
In the deepest, calmest hours of the night when you have naught but your own company, I hope my image fills you with bliss.
wtf that sounds like something a 90 year old barn owl would say. if someone said that to me i would never masturbate again for the rest of my life
i feel like eden just understands me